Suicide is a scary word for most of us.
I say that because we do not like to hear anything about it.
But that does not make it disappear. Let me share some facts that will shock each of us.
In 2019 alone, one student committed suicide every hour, which is around 28 students every day. Around 10335 students committed suicide in 2019 in India.
A misconception about suicide is that it is done by persons who have depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or some other kind of mental illness. The truth is far from this. However, it was also found that people with mental disorders have suicidal tendencies more than others.
Statistics show that students commit suicide more due to exam stress, ragging, and failed relationships. When children feel that they are worthless and not wanted, they feel like taking their lives. If all of us unitedly attempts, suicides can be brought down drastically.
Every parent should realize that it is better to have a child who failed in school than have one who has failed in LIFE.
It is better to have a child who suffered a breakup than a child who broke ties with LIFE.
It is better to have a child who opens up about ragging than a child who has closed doors of LIFE.
Life is much bigger and grander than these fleeting anxious moments.
Let’s look at some examples and try and understand what goes on in the minds of these children.
The names have been changed to maintain anonymity, but all cases are real, and what appeared in newspapers and all media.
1) Akash, a brilliant student returned from abroad after completing his Masters and planned a party for all his friends and relatives. His parents were thrilled as their son returned after completing his studies successfully. But when the party was going on, Akash was thinking deeply about suicide. His parents were taken aback and they could not understand why he would think of such a thing. Later, it was realized that Akash wanted to escape from his parents, and studying abroad was a good relief for him. He did not opt for a subject that he liked, but it outweighed his need to be away from his parents. Now the thought of taking up a job in a subject that he hated, frustrated him and he contemplated suicide. He did not attempt but took the courage to speak up to his parents and they took the help of a family counselor and in 2-3 years, he was able to find his subject of liking and interest and is now doing well.
2) Sandhya was not as lucky as Akash as she decided to take her life just before the announcement of the entrance results. When the results were announced, she had scored very well and would have got admission to the college of her choice. Everyone else felt that she could have waited till the results were out and not taken such a drastic step. This is where we go wrong. We feel that if a student is academically good, then she or he must be fine. No one realizes that she might have taken the subject out of pressure and for all the years studied without liking it. Good scores do not always indicate that the child is doing it out of her own will and liking. In her suicide note, Sandhya clearly states that she cannot imagine herself continuing in a profession that she has studied for so long.
Here again, parenting style and awareness have a significant role to play. When parents feel that they know what is right and children should obey whatever they say, it may be too late when they realize their folly.
3) Rahul was an average student. He was good at extra-curricular activities and enjoyed simple things in life. His dad was transferred to another city when he was in the 8th grade. His life took a different turn all of a sudden. The new school had a lot of students who bullied him for his lean body structure. Few of them abused him and made fun of him. This was a shock to Rahul, and after he found it difficult to bear, he spoke to his father and narrated what happened to him. His dad responded by saying, “such things do happen. You need not make an issue of this. You are a boy, and you need to manage it”. Rahul had expected his dad to be considerate and understand his feelings, but the response he got made him even more depressed. He started to isolate himself, and his grades began to fall. As the 10th-grade board exam schedule was announced, the pressure of scoring good marks, coupled with the bullying at school, not being able to get comfort at home, Rahul hung himself from the ceiling fan. He wrote that he was depressed and lonely and found no meaning in life.
These are just a few of the cases and numerous ones are rising by the day. A common underlying factor here is the feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and a sense of worthlessness.
What can be done?
Parents:
A major role can be played by parents as children look up to them for everything at least during the earlier part of their lives. Having spent the largest time together, parents should be able to understand any change in behaviour of their children. If they have begun to isolate themselves, stopped meeting friends, being moody most of the time, talking of suicide, etc., care should be taken to understand what they are feeling. The channels of communication between parents and children should always be open. Again, parenting styles have a role. If parents are extremely strict, children fail to open up. If parents are indifferent, children find no meaning in talking to their parents. Read more about parenting styles and their impacts on children.
Children’s behaviour:
When parents observe that their kids are talking about how they teased another kid or how they had fun ragging other kids, it is time to talk to the parents of the other kids and check out that kid is. By keeping the channels of communication between parents, checking out if everything is OK and being a source of companionship will play a big role in reducing adverse events.
Parent Teachers Meet:
Every school must ensure that a few days are devoted to giving feedback to parents and kids and taking feedback and suggestions from parents on the overall impact on the kids. It should not be a day where only the academics are discussed and parents use this day to harass their kids on bad reviews from the school. Every parent, student, and school authority should be happy during this meet as it can serve as means of transformation for the child. If children look forward to a parent-teachers meet, then it is a meaningful exercise. But if children dread it and are accompanied by fake parents, it is time to rethink it.
Allow children to express themselves:
Every school and every home should allow children to express their feelings. They should be allowed to express themselves by writing, speaking, creating drawings, paintings, etc.
Every school should have a counselor and a coach who helps children cope up with the pressures and anxieties.
To experience the suicide of their child is the worst a parent can undergo. Searching for reasons after it has happened serves no purpose. It is possible to reduce it dramatically if parents, school authorities can act more consciously and with empathy.
Education is not merely the memorization of facts and theories. But it has to empower children to be able to cope up with life’s uncertainties and pressures. Children should be equipped to make decisions and be responsible for them. This is possible only when parents, schools, children all work as a single unit.
Suicide, depression, anxiety, stress, and pressure should not be allowed to become common vocabulary in children.
