Seven Principles Of Effective Parenting

Most of the kids feel that their parents’ have no idea about their feelings and aspirations. Kids most often wonder why their parents behave the way they do. Some parents realize this, by the reactions of kids, while most others never even see the kids’ emotions as they are too engrossed in their issues.

 

From time, immemorial parenting has been taken for granted, and parents felt that they knew what was best for their kids’. The truth is far from that. Just because I am a dad or mom, it does not put me on a pedestal of the all-knowing God.

 

Here, I present to you the Seven Principles of effective parenting.

I am a father or mother the day my child is born. That does not make me an authority on the subject of Parenting. Most parents fail to acknowledge the fact that they are still the same people with all the flaws. They are not perfect and can make mistakes.

 

Why do parents want to play Gods to their kids, wanting to solve every problem, and wanting to satisfy every demand of their child?

 

To make matters worse, both parents come from different backgrounds and different upbringings. with individual expectations for the child, and each home ends up having two gods to confuse the child even more. 

 

The moment each parent realizes the fact that he need not know everything that is good or bad for his child, it opens up the door of possibilities. By possibilities here, I mean the possibility of looking at the child non-judgmentally and without any preconceived notions.

 

This attitude will help every parent be mindful of the individuality of the child and do everything possible so that the child grows and develops on his/her own. There will be no parental power or authority that forces the child.

Every parent wants their children to learn all the values and respectful behavior that suits the society.

 

Children will never learn them unless the parents show the necessary respect towards their own children. Children watch how their parents behave with others, like the maid, security person, the milkman, the parents boss etc. If parents show a differential treatment to people of different levels in the society, the same will be emulated by the kids. If the child is respected for his/her individuality, be rest assured the child will also learn to respect every other person.

As a parent, I have a responsibility towards my children. That does not mean that I will take responsibility for all the actions of my kids. I should have the ability to make my kids responsible for their actions.

 

Let me explain this with an example.

 

Let’s assume that a child has picked up a fight in school with one of his classmates. He returns home and complains to his dad about the fight and says that he was hit by the other boy. Two kinds of responses can be expected here.

A) The father immediately rushes to the school, complains to the principle, calls up the parents of the other kid, and starts a fight with them. What does the child learn from this response is that ” My dad will protect me, no matter what I do”. This child will have no consideration for anybody and will continue to acts which are not right and will develop a sense of arrogance and complacency.

 

B) The other kind of response would be to listen to the child and tell him/ her that these things do happen and it is better that he/she himself/herself sorts it out with his friends. Make them responsible for their actions. If things are going beyond control and there is a possibility of physical assault, then it has to be reported the school authorities and no effort should be made to support any child as there is no evidence for the same. Here the child will know that his/her dad will not support him in matters where he.she is wrong. If found that your child is guilty of wrong then he/she should be made to pay the price for it.

It is a well-known fact that children love appreciation and attention. Children do everything to get the attention of their parents. But what is not known is that children easily recognize between true appreciation and false appreciation. Whenever they receive a false appreciation from their parents, they interpret it as their parents cannot be trusted and do not love them. It could be a simple situation where a child has done artwork and has shown it to his/her parent and the parent even without looking at it says:

 

” Very nice, good job”!

 

Nothing can be more hurting to the child than this. If this continues for a few times, the child will stop doing any artwork. Genuine appreciation can make the child do wonders and false appreciation can do the opposite.

If a parent is able to feel and think exactly what the child is feeling and thinking, that parent will never be able to hurt the child either consciously or unconsciously.

 

But does this happen naturally?

 

Absolutely not!. This will happen only when the parent spends considerable time with the child, with no judgment and no expectation. By being empathetic, the parent never tries to impose his dreams and desires on to the child. A simple way to be empathetic is to just go back to your childhood days and think of how you felt when you were forced to do something by your parents and you wanted something else.

I want my child to be disciplined while I am an undisciplined person.

 

I want my child to be organized, while I am the most disorganized person.

 

I yell at my child asking him to be silent.

 

Well, if this the method I use, then I am living in a fool’s paradise. Children learn by observing. If I want my child to be disciplined, then I better be disciplined. If I want my child to be organized, then I better be organized. If I want my child to speak softly, I better stop yelling.

I may be the CEO of a company, I may be managing an organization with a thousand employees, I may be the president of a country. When I reach back home, if I do not find peace, if I am not able to love my family and get their love, then my professional growth is of no value.

 

“If you are not part of your child’s growth, then your professional growth is of no value.”

 

If you are a parent, it is a 20-year contract. You need to spend the required time and energy with them. If you are not a part of his first speech, if you are not a part of his first step, if you are not part of his first school days, if you are not part of his first success, if you are not part of his first failure, you may regret later that you may have to see all this either only in pictures or videos.

 

Parenting is exciting, enjoyable and enriching provided you are willing.