Do parents make mistakes?
I don’t know if they accept, but the fact is that every parent makes them.
Very few parents are magnanimous in accepting that they make blunders and have no hesitation in admitting it to their children as well.
There is no doubt that every parent has the right intention for their children. However, many times intention does not translate into the right actions.
Being ignorant of parental mistakes can cause more harm to the parent-child relationship to a great extent.
We must open our eyes to this and consciously make an attempt to avoid making them.
Let’s try and see what these common mistakes are:
Perfection
Some people, after they become parents, assume that they know everything good or bad for their children. They want their children to do everything as per their requirements. It causes frustration and a feeling of suffocation in the children. Here, the parents fail to sense the emotions of the child. They are only interested in making their children act and behave the way they think is right.
Children are looking for parents who are normal human beings with flaws and mistakes. They are not expecting a superhuman with superpowers or a flawless human. What matters the most is to children is that parents should be there when they need them. They need parents who care and make them feel safe.
Flashback
Many parents bring their childhood into every discussion with their children. It is good to tell about their childhood, and every parent should do so. It helps the child connect well with parents. However, when it is linked to the child’s current situation, it causes a disconnect with the child. When a parent says something like this, ” When I was a child, I had no facilities. I had to walk to school. I had difficulty in getting three meals a day. Today I am providing you with the best of facilities. Why don’t you study? Why are you wasting time?”
The child is OK as long as the parent describes the childhood journey. But when the parent links it to the child’s current situation and then speaks in a way that belittles the child’s behavior, the outcome will be the opposite of what the parent expected.
So let your children know your journey and let it end there. There should be no projection of your childhood dreams or desires or difficulties on to the child.
Self-limiting Beliefs
Unconsciously, parents plant self-limiting beliefs on their children intending to make them safe. However, it has the reverse effect.
“Don’t talk to strangers”.
“You need to get above 95% in std. 10 if you want to get into a good college”.
” You must struggle to succeed in life”.
“If you do not study well, you will be a failure “.
The intention is good. Parents want their children to do good and succeed.
However, when we are constantly saying things that becomes a belief system in the minds of the child and restricts it from exploring himself/herself, it is detrimental to the growth of the child.
As time passes, the child believes whatever was said as truth and the child does the same things that the parent did not want him/her to do.
The only way to overcome these mistakes is to become aware that we are committing them. With awareness, we will be able to pause, and the small pause is enough to postpone our reactions. With this pause in our actions, we will be able to overcome our mistakes and not put our children within our framework of beliefs and conditioning.
