Parenting cannot come with a user manual as each child is different. Not only is every child unique, but so is every parent.
Parents’ approach to children depends on their emotional state at that particular moment.
So having a ‘one size fits all’ approach is bound to fail.
However, if we consciously avoid these common mistakes, our parenting journeys can be made enjoyable.
Mistake No1.
“I know what is best for my child”: When we assume we know what is “good” for our children, we impose whatever we feel is right. I am not suggesting that we should not impose rules and regulations, but when we force choice of subjects, and career options, chances are we might be wrong. Some children may accept what their parents say due to fear, respect, or past conditioning. At a later stage, when they realize that the choice was wrong, they will only carry a deep sense of anger, aversion, and resentment towards their parents.
We can only think from our past experiences. When we project these onto our children’s future, conflicts are bound to arise.
The solution: Give children the option to choose, but let them know they will be responsible for its outcome. Allow the freedom to choose without imposition. They will make mistakes, but as the choices were theirs, they cannot blame anybody for it.
Mistake No.2.
Micromanaging: It is natural for us parents to be protective of our children as we have the best intentions for them. But when it goes to the extent that the child is incapable of doing anything without their parents’ approval, it becomes suffocating. Children lose their confidence and self-esteem. They hesitate to take the initiative and avoid challenges.
The Solution: Allow the child to be curious. Let the child experiment with age-appropriate challenges. Parents should be a guide and ensure that they do not physically harm themselves. Help them be independent and learn from their experiences.
Mistake No 3.
Punishment: Very often, we use punishment as a means to discipline. The very word discipline is to teach. Teaching using punishment as a method is a sure way to failure. Most times, punishments are given without warning and without explaining the consequences resulting in the child hesitating or fearing doing anything due to the fear of punishment.
The solution: Do not lose your temper or enforce harsh punishments when your child does something wrong. His mind will not be able to comprehend it. Of course, this does not apply when you see him putting his hand on the gas stove or is about to do something harmful and is very young.
When you are with your children, and all are in a very harmonious mood, set the rules and the consequences of breaking them. Inform them of the repercussions, giving them a choice to adhere to or break the rules. Consequences are to be enforced without fail when a rule is broken. No anger or punishment. Only enforcement of the repercussions for breaking the rules. It is just like having a penalty in a game.
Mistake No 4
Comparison: Parents compare meaning to make the children better or achieve better. Though the intention is good, the message that the child receives is very different. The children perceive that their parents do not love them. When the child constantly hears that some other child is better than him in studies, singing, dancing, or respecting elders, he feels that his parents love all other children better than him. The outcome is the child becoming worse than he was.
The solution: Consciously avoid comparisons of all kinds. No two children are alike in any aspect. Accept children as they are. Look out for the areas they are good at and encourage them to work on them. Care should be taken not to make children feel that they are not good enough the way they are.
Mistake No 5.
Preaching/Advising: Parents feel that children pay heed to advice. Hence most parents make the mistake of constantly advising their children of the good and the bad. They think that by preaching moral values, their children will form the correct habits and not fall into bad company. However, the contrary is found to be true- children shut off from moral preachings.
The Solution: Walk the Talk. Children mimic their parents’ behaviors. They do not listen to what their parents say, but they learn from what they see them do.
When a certain quality or behavior is expected from children, parents should first emulate them in their lives.
Conclusion: Parenting is an enjoyable journey. However, a conscious effort is needed from the parent’s side to make this happen.
All the above five mistakes occur without our knowledge. We cannot call them mistakes, but pitfalls that can be avoided.
BE AWARE of the impact these mistakes could have on your children, and they will automatically cease to exist.
