Parenting is one of life’s most challenging and profound experiences. It has moments of joy, celebration, and the deep desire to nurture our children in a way that helps them thrive. But let’s accept the truth—sometimes it feels like cruizing a maze without a map. Every child is different, every moment brings new surprises, and what worked last time might not work now. The biggest challenge is, how to truly connect with our children on a level that honors their individuality while also staying true to ourselves.
Enter the Enneagram—a powerful tool for understanding personality types that goes far beyond surface behaviors. It’s not just another parenting technique or a set of rules; it’s a journey of discovering what makes you and your child tick. The Enneagram invites us to look deeper, to see our children—and ourselves—not just as a collection of traits, but as unique individuals with their motivations, fears, and dreams.
Understanding Yourself and Your Parenting Style
Have you ever wondered why certain aspects of parenting come easily to you while others feel like a constant struggle? The Enneagram offers insight into your personality type, focussing on your natural strengths and areas that might need a little more attention. Maybe you’re a Type 1 (The Perfectionist), always striving to do things “right” and feeling a deep sense of responsibility. Or perhaps you’re a Type 7 (The Enthusiast), full of ideas and energy, always looking for the next adventure.
Understanding your type is like holding up a mirror—it reveals not just how you act, but why you act that way. This self-awareness is a powerful first step in becoming a more mindful parent. It allows you to see how your personality shapes your reactions to your child’s behavior and guides you in making conscious choices that are aligned with the kind of parent you want to be.
Seeing Your Child Through the Enneagram Lens
Every child is a unique world unto themselves. The Enneagram helps us dive beyond the surface, to understand what truly drives our children. It’s about recognizing that a child who constantly seeks your approval (perhaps a budding Type 2, The Helper) is motivated by a deep desire to be loved and needed. Or that your fiercely independent child (likely a Type 8, The Challenger) is not just being stubborn but is driven by a need for control and autonomy.
By understanding your child’s Enneagram type, you gain a roadmap to their inner world. It’s like learning a new language—the language of your child’s heart. You begin to see their actions not as random or defiant but as expressions of their deepest needs and fears. This understanding changes everything. It helps you respond with empathy rather than frustration, with patience rather than anger.
Bridging the Gap: When Parent and Child Types Clash
One of the most magical aspects of the Enneagram is how it illuminates the dynamic between you and your child. It’s not just about understanding each type in isolation but seeing how they interact. Maybe you’re a Type 9 (The Peacemaker) who values harmony above all else, but your child is a Type 3 (The Achiever), constantly pushing for success and recognition. These differences can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, but they don’t have to.
The Enneagram teaches us that there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to be. Each type has its strengths and challenges, and the key is learning to appreciate these differences and accept them rather than trying to change them. It’s about finding the balance—celebrating what makes your child unique while also guiding them towards healthy growth. And sometimes, it’s about accepting that your way isn’t the only way, and that’s perfectly okay.
Fostering Connection and Growth
Parenting with the Enneagram is not about putting your child in a frame; it’s about opening up to their full potential. It’s about seeing them as they are, not as we wish them to be. It’s about providing the support they need to grow into the best version of themselves, not a version that fits neatly into our or society’s expectations.
As you travel on this journey, you’ll find that the Enneagram is not just a tool for understanding your child, but for understanding yourself. It helps you to see your patterns—the ways you react under stress, the things that bring you joy, and the fears that hold you back. And as you grow, so does your ability to parent from a place of wisdom, compassion, and authenticity.
The Magic of Everyday Moments
The true magic of the Enneagram lies in the everyday moments—the times when you pause before responding to a tantrum, taking a breath, and reminding yourself that your Type 6 child (The Loyalist) is acting out of fear, not defiance. Or when you recognize that your quiet, introspective Type 5 child (The Investigator) isn’t being distant, but simply needs time to recharge.
These small, mindful moments accumulate, creating a parenting journey that is less about control and more about connection. It’s about letting go of the need to have all the answers and instead embracing the curiosity to discover who your child is becoming, alongside who you are becoming as a parent.
Embracing the Journey
Parenting with the Enneagram is not a destination; it’s a journey of lifelong learning and growth. It invites us to show up, not as perfect parents, but as present ones—willing to explore, to make mistakes, and to keep learning alongside our children. It’s about creating a home where everyone feels seen, understood, and loved for exactly who they are.
Parenting with Enneagram is a journey worth taking—a journey that honors the magic of who your child is, and the magic of who you are becoming as a parent.
